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You know your family hasn't quite "Americanized" when...1) your Baba has a shot of Rakija for breakfast
2) you only go out of town for Serbian Tournaments and Dances
3) even if you're a girl, your parents (who can't remember your name) call you (and all of your siblings) "sine".
4) a family member makes his own wine that's stronger than "rakija."
5) your mother insists that "promaja" will kill you.
6) your mother insists you must eat something as soon as you walk in the door.
7) you base your whole life on the fortune in your coffee cup.
8) 'Rakija' is used to cure all illnesses, celebrate all occasions and as massage lotion.
9) your parents constantly say you'll end up a nobody if you don't graduate from facultet.
10) you go to a restaurant and bring your own drinks.
11) you go to your baba's house, she offers you supa, sarma, and pasulj only to get upset when you don't eat EVERYTHING.
12) you have four pairs of "Opanke" in your wardrobe from dance class.
13) all other action stops when you hear people speaking Serbian in a store somewhere.
14) your mom calls you "stoka."
15) you smell garlic on your parents' breath and they insist it's better than that Listerine s*****.
16) your church hall has a bar loaded with mostly Konjak.
17) your parents have a miniature farm called a "basta" in the back of the house.
18) you live with your parents until you are married.
19) there is a slab of fat in your fridge called SLANINA.
20) your parents still prefer to buy tapes rather than CDs.
21) your parents think too much fun is GLUPOST!
22) dad comes home smelling like pecenje
23) mom thinks you got sick because you don't eat.
24) whenever anybody asked your dad where he was going he says, "U pizdu maternu!"
25) dad is wearing black socks with a pair of Slape when mowing the lawn.
26) Baba spits into a napkin at the dinner table.
27) Baba knits a wool blanket with every color known to mankind and says, "Ovo ye za tebe, jel volis?"
28) your dad smells his socks before he puts them on.
29) your parents turn the channel when there is a kissing scene.
30) your mom gets pissed off at you for bring home McDonalds saying, "sta ce ti taj jonk?"
31) while your a kid the words you hear the most are, "Donesi mi.........."
32) when you do something wrong your dad always blames your mother by saying, "yebem ti mater."
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
