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Extra vic ali na engleskom :)

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RMAN
Milan Đukić
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icon Extra vic ali na engleskom :)14.03.2007. u 22:40 - pre 208 meseci
Zna li neko neki dobar vic ali na engleskom?
Eureka!

MILAN DJUKIC
D J U K A
 
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biber021
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)15.03.2007. u 09:58 - pre 208 meseci
Znam ja jedan ali ti ga moram ispričati, a da bi to uradio moram popit' piva... :))
 
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mLAN
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)15.03.2007. u 10:16 - pre 208 meseci
Yo' mama so poor, she hangs the toilet paper out to dry!

Yo' mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone!

Yo' mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
 
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jnk
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)15.03.2007. u 21:11 - pre 208 meseci
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following
characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to
pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and
reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply
accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut
down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times
as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by
a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to
let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed
hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all
over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine OFF.
 
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damirh
Damir Hadnadjev
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)16.03.2007. u 09:16 - pre 208 meseci
Bahahaha, svaka cast jnk svidja mi se:)))

It's funny because it's true:))
 
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downer

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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)16.03.2007. u 11:18 - pre 208 meseci
What's the tree things a black man can't have?

1. Fat lip
2. Black eye
3. A job
 
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ZaMpA
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)17.03.2007. u 15:38 - pre 208 meseci
A giraffe goes to the pub, and gets drunk. He passes out on a pub floor when patron comes and says "Hey you can't be lyin' there" and he says "I'm not a lion i'm a giraffe"
'rani bota pa šalji na forum
 
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klichko

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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)17.03.2007. u 15:50 - pre 208 meseci
Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel.

They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.

The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind.
He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to install these blinds?"
 
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U.F.O

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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)17.03.2007. u 16:37 - pre 208 meseci
A few of the new error messages that were taken under consideration during the development of the Windows XP operating system...

• Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

• Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

• BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

• Close your eyes and press escape three times.

• File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

• Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

• Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

• Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

• Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
 
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U.F.O

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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)17.03.2007. u 16:43 - pre 208 meseci
A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.

He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.

"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.

The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the
chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.

"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.

"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you
can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he asked.

Nahh" said the bloke,

"I'm just a really bad conductor"
 
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)17.03.2007. u 20:01 - pre 208 meseci
sjajno UFO, sjajno.. ajd i ja jedan sa kaludjericama

A nun wakes up in the morning, and goes on her daily duties. She meets other nuns along the way, and one of them says to her "you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning didn't you". Later she meets another nun saying "did you get up on the wrong side of the bed?". Not so much later another asks her "you got up on the wrong side of the bed, didn't you?" already frustrated about this, nun tries to ignore it but soon enough, she hears some other nun saying "she got up from the wrong side of the bed this morning". Now she's really mad, as all she hears today is "you got up on the wrong side of the bed". One nun goes up to her and right before she said anything our nun yells out "IF YOU ASK ME DID I GET UP FROM THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BET I'LL SLAP YOU!!!!!!!" and the other one says "no I just wanted to ask you why are you wearing Bishops' slippers"

(courtesy of Dave Allen )
'rani bota pa šalji na forum
 
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AleksandarNS
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Novi Sad/Beograd

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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)17.03.2007. u 21:48 - pre 208 meseci
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal
and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some
hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up
and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past
three.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and
insignificant.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Some jerk
has stolen our tent."
It's a big mistake to allow computer to realise that you are in a hurry.
 
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Daniel011
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)17.03.2007. u 23:10 - pre 208 meseci
We take you now to the Oval Office...

President George W. Bush: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
Bush: Great. Lay it on me.
Rice: Hu is the new leader of China.
Bush: That's what I want to know.
Rice: That's what I'm telling you.
Bush: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Rice: Yes.
Bush: I mean the fellow's name.
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The guy in China.
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The new leader of China.
Rice: Hu.
Bush: The Chinaman!
Rice: Hu is leading China.
Bush: Now whaddya asking me for?
Rice: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
Bush: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Rice: That's the mans name.
Bush: That's who's name?
Rice: Yes.
Bush: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Rice: That's correct.
Bush: Then who is in China?
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir is in China?
Rice: No, sir.
Bush: Then who is?
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir?
Rice: No, sir.
Bush: Look, Rice. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Rice: Kofi?
Bush: No, thanks.
Rice: You want Kofi?
Bush: No.
Rice: You don't want Kofi.
Bush: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Rice: Kofi?
Bush: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Rice: And call who?
Bush: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Rice: Hu is the guy in China.
Bush: Will you stay out of China?!
Rice: Yes, sir.
Bush: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Rice: Kofi.
Bush: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Rice picks up the phone.)
Rice: Rice, here.
Bush: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
 
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Stefan Ilic
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)18.03.2007. u 00:48 - pre 208 meseci
hahahahahahahahahaha
ima li nastavak? : )
 
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ZaMpA
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)18.03.2007. u 10:23 - pre 208 meseci
What's the difference between a circus and a Miss Sweden competition? In circus you can see some cunning stunts.

What's the difference between a pigmey tribe and a women marathon team? Pigmey tribe are a bunch of cunning runts.
'rani bota pa šalji na forum
 
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acaradio
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)18.03.2007. u 10:56 - pre 208 meseci
Plastic Surgery

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
 
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)18.03.2007. u 15:11 - pre 208 meseci
THE GIANT GORILLA


There was a man that owned a giant gorilla and, all its life, he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to go on a business trip and had to leave his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. So he explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock.

But he was never ever, ever to touch its fur.

So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, “Why can't I touch its fur?” as their didnt seem to be anything wrong with it.

Every day he came in and looked for a little while longer as he still couldnt understand until, about a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla.

He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.

Suddenly the gorilla went ape and started to jump around, then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into some one else's sports car and drove off.

In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in its own sports car, driving right behing him.

He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden and up the apple tree.

He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest.

The man jumped down and ran back in to the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla.

The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shaddow coming down the street ahead.

The gorilla!

It came to the end of the alley, stood and looked striaght into the bloodshoot eyes of the man and came towards him slowly.

This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint.

The giant beast came face to face with him, raised its mighty hand and said, “Tag! You're it!”
 
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)18.03.2007. u 21:12 - pre 208 meseci
The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

* * *

Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns.

Billy: Who, me?

Teacher: Very good!
 
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DS_Store
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)19.03.2007. u 08:57 - pre 208 meseci
Sve, sve ali:

Citat:
ZaMpA: What's the difference between a circus and a Miss Sweden competition? In circus you can see some cunning stunts.

What's the difference between a pigmey tribe and a women marathon team? Pigmey tribe are a bunch of cunning runts.


:))))))))))))))))))))))))

Ne mogu da nađem ovaj vic pa da uradim copy-paste, zato ću pisati na srpskom ali ga poenta kvalifikuje za ovu temu:

Upoznao Crnogorac strankinju na moru, smuva je i odvede u sobu. Pomisli "Sad moram da joj dokažem našu reputaciju" i baci se na posao. Riba se uvija, vrišti, dahće, umire i na kraju pita on nju sav zadihan i ponosan: "Ar ju finiš?" Ona samo: "N... nooo..."
Crnogorac ne može da veruje! Ode čast, ode obraz i reputacija! Skupi on snagu i ajd ponovo. Riba opet u trans, izgleda kao da ne zna šta ju je snašlo. Završe oni opet i opet on pita nju: "Ar ju finiš??!". Riba promuklo: "N... n... nooo..."
Ovaj skroz poludi, nema više snage ali kaže ako treba i da umrem ali svijetla obraza! Krene i treći put, ova sirotica više ni ne zna za sebe, on završi posao i skoro bez trunke snage pita je: "Ar... ju... FINIŠ??!?!"
A cica će: "Nooooo... I'm from SWEDEN!"
10 HOME
20 SWEET
30 GO TO 10
 
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icon Re: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)19.03.2007. u 09:16 - pre 208 meseci
mislim da nije poenta da pisemo viceve koji su na engleskom, nego viceve koji imaju smisao SAMO na engleskom....
tipa ovoj temi vise odgovara DS_store vic iako je na srpskom nego Acaradio sto je napisao ili UFO o gorili,,,
evo ja jedan:

There was a shipwreck. The only survivors on some deserted island were a Bosnian, an Englishman, and a German....
So after they have concluded that they all know english more or less they started planning their survival...
The englishman says:
"OK i will try to make us some weapons, you [german] go around and try finding some natives but be careful,
and you [bosnian] you will be in charge of supplies"
So they went around and after a few hours there they are at the same place, but without the bosnian...
englishman has crafted some weapons, german has searched the island but hasn't found any natives, but no sight of the bosnian... so they started looking around for him, he's nowhere to be found, and at one point the german sees something moving in a bush, he walks to it and out comes the bosnian screaming "SUPPLIES!!!!"
 
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elitemadzone.org :: MadZone :: Extra vic ali na engleskom :)

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