aka Vitez Koja
::
日本光学工業株式会社 :: One photo out of focus is a mistake, ten
photo out of focus are an experimentation, one hundred photo out of focus are a
style.
-Mujo, jel’ govoriš engleski?
-Ne znam, još nisam prob’o!
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Gde su žene najsrećnije?
U državi “Ne vadi”.
A gde su najnesrećnije?
U državi “Mali”.
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:P
Priđu nekoj plaži i gledaju kupače, pa mama ajkula kaže:
“Prvo mu priđes pa napraviš dva kruga oko njega. Onda mu ponovo priđeš pa ga samo malo zakačiš. Onda se malo udaljiš pa mu priđeš i repom ga baciš da malo leti. I onda mu priđeš i pojedeš ga”
Pita dete ajkula:
“A što da toliko vremena gubim, što da ga odmah ne pojedem ?”
„Pa, može i tako, ali onda ćeš ga jesti sa govnima”. Potpis
OTPOR blokadi ulica, OTPOR blokiranom Beogradu, OTPOR blokiranoj Srbiji
recesija u jagodini
nema para, nema hrane
i sta ce ljudi, skupe se i odu u zoo
tamo ima zivotinja pa cemo njih da jedemo
jurili tako jurili...
i nikako da nahvataju neku
uhvatise nekako nesrecnu kornjacu
krenu da je uhvate za glavu
ona se uvuce
krenu za noge, ona se uvuce
kad
pojavljuju se Palmini (Betoven i Sopen) telohranitelji
-Sta to radite bre?
pa znate, gladni smo
nema hrane
evo pokusavamo da pojedemo kornjacu
aaa
pa ne radi se to tako
uhvatise kornjacu
jedan joj gurne dva prsta u dupe, kornjaca izbaci glavu
drugi je dohvati i CAP
svi u cudu
-Pa kako ste to znali?
-Pa nije to nista. Tako mi svako jutro kad treba Palmi da stavimo kravatu!!!
Umre baba, i kada je stala ispred Boga poce da se zali:
-Boze,zasto ja,ja hocu da sam ziva!!
I Bog je ubaci u toplomer!!!!!
Ovaj sledeci nisam bas zapamtio:
Dosao Mujo sa sinom na livadu punu ovaca i kaze:
-Da da ...ovako je to bilo, sine-ovde je tvoj babo prvi put!
-Stvarno??
-Da,to smo radili bas tamo, ispod onog drveta.Bilo je ludo i divlje..
-Stvarno??I sta je ona rekla??
-MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
dodatak>>
....i onda je naisla njena majka"
"sta ti je rekla?"
"beeeee"
Potpis
"Hmmm", rekao je, "...suprostavlja se nadrealizmu prikrivene metafore..." Razmišljao je tome na trenutak, a onda je zatvorio beležnicu s mrkim osmehom.
"I smrt je za njih suviše dobra"
Čovek na samrti kaže doktoru: Napišite da sam umro od SIDE!
Upita ga doktor: Zašto?
A on će na to: Tako mi niko neće jebati ženu, a oni koji su je već jebali umreće od straha!
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Zasto pi*ka ne može da bude frizerka???
Zato što su joj mušterije samo ćelavi..
____________________________________________________________________________________
A zašto je pi*ka gorka?
Da bi mogli i dijabetičari da ližu... Potpis
The only place you can find Success before Work is in the dictionary.
-------
If you want to shoot, then - shoot; don't talk!
-------
One shot - one hit...
Došao Ciga kod doktora kad ono na vratima piše:
-Prvi pregled 100 evra, a svaki sledeci pregled 50 evra.
Uđe ciga u ordinaciju. Kaže doktor:
- "Dobar dan."
A Ciga:
- "Dobar dan doktore, evo mene opet!!!"
- 'Fato, jesi li čula za novi zakon... Žena koja rodi četvero djece dobije penziju!'
- Šta bolan kažeš? Penziju? A mi samo troje imamo.'
- 'Jašta bona, kasno je da pravimo četvrto.
- Nego, Fato, imam ja vanbračnog sina. Hoćeš da ga dovedem pa da imamo četvoro?'
- 'Idi dovedi', pristane Fata.
Ode Mujo i uskoro dovede svog sina, ali kod kuće zatekne samu Fatu.
- 'Bona Fato, gdje su djeca?'
- 'Došli ljudi i odveli svoje.'
Došao Mujo u rodilište da vidi novorođenog sina. Sav sretan, upita Fatu na koga sliči.
Ona će:
- 'Ajde Mujo, ne znaš čovjeka, šta ću ti ja sada objašnjavat!
The only place you can find Success before Work is in the dictionary.
-------
If you want to shoot, then - shoot; don't talk!
-------
One shot - one hit...
Igraju dvojica prijatelja golf. Jedan od njih opali štapom po loptici kad ugleda pogrebnu povorku. Okrene se
prema povorci, skine kapu i mirno stoji. Drugi prijatelj mu kaže:
• Ovo je nešto najdirljivije što sam video.
Ovaj mu odgovara:
• Čuj, ipak smo 35 godina bili u braku...
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Odmarao se čovek u vikendici pored ribnjaka, i čuje neki smeh... Kad je stigao do ribnjaka, vidi pet devojaka
kako se kupaju gole. Devojke ga primetile pa otplivaju u dublji kraj ribnjaka i viču: "Beži perverznjače, nećemo izaći dok si ti tu!"
"Ma nisam ja došao da vas gledam, nego da nahranim krokodila..."
===================================================================================================
Dođe Mujo na železničku stanicu i vidi novi automat. Na njemu piše: "Ubaci novčić, ovde stavi ruku i mašina ti kaže ko si".
Mujo stvarno proba i ubaci novčić. Automat mu kaže:
- Ti si Mujo i čekaš voz za Sarajevo.
A Mujo hoće da zajebe automat, našminka se i opet ubaci novčić u automat.
- Ti si Mujo i čekaš voz za Sarajevo.
Ode Mujo u WC i vidi kondomat. Kupi kondom i navuče ga na glavu, ode do mašine i opet ubaci novčić.
- Jeb'ga Mujo, dok ti ovde glumiš k****, ode ti voz za Sarajevo.
=================================================================================================== Potpis
The only place you can find Success before Work is in the dictionary.
-------
If you want to shoot, then - shoot; don't talk!
-------
One shot - one hit...
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been
having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of
DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the
GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.
I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in
background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to
say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them
separately, and it works okay.
GirlFriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf
program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing
incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I
might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of
conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had
experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have
enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require
a Token Ring to run properly. He was right--as soon as I purged my
cache, it uninstalled itself.
Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs
were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me
a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down
for a while.
I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a
SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It
worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was
still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with
GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I
didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any
other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some
way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.
The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some
problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some
obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I
think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather
than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections
with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts.
And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."
A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to
GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version
of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires
within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but
soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes
as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't
load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go
with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.
Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0
sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new
Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be
running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything.
Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0
which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn-off.
I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if
you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0
will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then
Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.
I suppose the moral of the story is: know your system's hardware,
it's software requirements and compatibilities and be real careful
about what software you install and when and how you upgrade.
Super Size 'upgrades' would be mandatory, if customers wanted to actually
use the food to its fullest potential.
We'd all have to buy new cars to use the McMicrosoft Drive-Thru.
Upon hearing about a new burger about to be launched by Netscape King,
McMicrosoft would 'preannounce' *their* new burger, even though its secret
sauce is still in alpha.
They'd steal recipes from Apple's employee cafeteria!
Once a customer eats McMicrosoft food, trying to remove all traces of it
from the digestive tract proves impossible.
