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Jako Dobar Vic !!!

elitemadzone.org :: MadZone :: Jako Dobar Vic !!!
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Backy
Branislav Đurković
Treptač svetala
Beograd, Zvezdara

Backy
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icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!20.01.2009. u 12:54 - pre 163 meseci
šta barak obama kupuje ćerkama za doručak?














burek obema
aka Vitez Koja
::
日本光学工業株式会社 :: One photo out of focus is a mistake, ten
photo out of focus are an experimentation, one hundred photo out of focus are a
style.
 
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majstorjoe
كوسوفو هي قلب صربيا
Bagdad

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+140 Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!21.01.2009. u 20:30 - pre 163 meseci
-Mujo, jel’ govoriš engleski?
-Ne znam, još nisam prob’o!
-----------------------------------------------
Gde su žene najsrećnije?
U državi “Ne vadi”.
A gde su najnesrećnije?
U državi “Mali”.
-----------------------------------------------
:P
 
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Java Beograd
Novi Beograd

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+10005 Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!22.01.2009. u 13:21 - pre 163 meseci
Uči mama ajkula dete ajkulu da pliva i lovi.

Priđu nekoj plaži i gledaju kupače, pa mama ajkula kaže:

“Prvo mu priđes pa napraviš dva kruga oko njega. Onda mu ponovo priđeš pa ga samo malo zakačiš. Onda se malo udaljiš pa mu priđeš i repom ga baciš da malo leti. I onda mu priđeš i pojedeš ga”

Pita dete ajkula:
“A što da toliko vremena gubim, što da ga odmah ne pojedem ?”

„Pa, može i tako, ali onda ćeš ga jesti sa govnima”.

OTPOR blokadi ulica, OTPOR blokiranom Beogradu, OTPOR blokiranoj Srbiji
 
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machiavelli
Beograd

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+164 Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!22.01.2009. u 14:04 - pre 163 meseci
- Kako se zove Rom bez karte u autobusu?


- Izbaciga
 
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machiavelli
Beograd

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+164 Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!22.01.2009. u 17:16 - pre 163 meseci
- Kako se na bosanskom kaze "Alisa u zemlji cuda"?

- "Fata u Delta City-ju "


 
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žutokljunac

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icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!22.01.2009. u 19:26 - pre 163 meseci
recesija u jagodini
nema para, nema hrane
i sta ce ljudi, skupe se i odu u zoo
tamo ima zivotinja pa cemo njih da jedemo
jurili tako jurili...
i nikako da nahvataju neku
uhvatise nekako nesrecnu kornjacu
krenu da je uhvate za glavu
ona se uvuce
krenu za noge, ona se uvuce
kad
pojavljuju se Palmini (Betoven i Sopen) telohranitelji
-Sta to radite bre?
pa znate, gladni smo
nema hrane
evo pokusavamo da pojedemo kornjacu
aaa
pa ne radi se to tako
uhvatise kornjacu
jedan joj gurne dva prsta u dupe, kornjaca izbaci glavu
drugi je dohvati i CAP
svi u cudu
-Pa kako ste to znali?
-Pa nije to nista. Tako mi svako jutro kad treba Palmi da stavimo kravatu!!!

 
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a1200

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+744 Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!23.01.2009. u 17:42 - pre 163 meseci
Policajac zaustavlja vozaca i kaze:
"Sto ne stajes, ja vec treci put vicem da ti nesto curi iz vozila !!!!"

Vozac odgovara:
"A ja tebi vec treci put kazem da je ovo kamion za pranje ulica !!!!"

:)
 
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žutokljunac

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+471 Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!24.01.2009. u 07:30 - pre 163 meseci
Sredina 21. veka. Pitaju oca tek rodjene bebe:
- Šta ste dobili, ćerku ili sina?
- Pa kad poraste nek se samo opredeli!

 
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t0d0r

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Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!25.01.2009. u 23:03 - pre 163 meseci
Umre baba, i kada je stala ispred Boga poce da se zali:
-Boze,zasto ja,ja hocu da sam ziva!!
I Bog je ubaci u toplomer!!!!!

Ovaj sledeci nisam bas zapamtio:

Dosao Mujo sa sinom na livadu punu ovaca i kaze:
-Da da ...ovako je to bilo, sine-ovde je tvoj babo prvi put!
-Stvarno??
-Da,to smo radili bas tamo, ispod onog drveta.Bilo je ludo i divlje..
-Stvarno??I sta je ona rekla??
-MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
 
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Deep|Blue
Srce Srbije

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icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!26.01.2009. u 07:39 - pre 163 meseci
dodatak>>
....i onda je naisla njena majka"
"sta ti je rekla?"
"beeeee"
"Hmmm", rekao je, "...suprostavlja se nadrealizmu prikrivene metafore..." Razmišljao je tome na trenutak, a onda je zatvorio beležnicu s mrkim osmehom.
"I smrt je za njih suviše dobra"
 
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ajdeBre
Niš

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+9 Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!31.01.2009. u 12:57 - pre 163 meseci
Čovek na samrti kaže doktoru: Napišite da sam umro od SIDE!
Upita ga doktor: Zašto?
A on će na to: Tako mi niko neće jebati ženu, a oni koji su je već jebali umreće od straha!
____________________________________________________________________________________

Zasto pi*ka ne može da bude frizerka???

Zato što su joj mušterije samo ćelavi..
____________________________________________________________________________________

A zašto je pi*ka gorka?

Da bi mogli i dijabetičari da ližu...

The only place you can find Success before Work is in the dictionary.
-------
If you want to shoot, then - shoot; don't talk!
-------
One shot - one hit...
 
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brainbuger

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+48 Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!05.02.2009. u 08:54 - pre 163 meseci
Došao Ciga kod doktora kad ono na vratima piše:
-Prvi pregled 100 evra, a svaki sledeci pregled 50 evra.
Uđe ciga u ordinaciju. Kaže doktor:
- "Dobar dan."
A Ciga:
- "Dobar dan doktore, evo mene opet!!!"
 
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ajdeBre
Niš

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+9 Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!12.02.2009. u 19:35 - pre 163 meseci
- 'Fato, jesi li čula za novi zakon... Žena koja rodi četvero djece dobije penziju!'
- Šta bolan kažeš? Penziju? A mi samo troje imamo.'
- 'Jašta bona, kasno je da pravimo četvrto.
- Nego, Fato, imam ja vanbračnog sina. Hoćeš da ga dovedem pa da imamo četvoro?'
- 'Idi dovedi', pristane Fata.
Ode Mujo i uskoro dovede svog sina, ali kod kuće zatekne samu Fatu.
- 'Bona Fato, gdje su djeca?'
- 'Došli ljudi i odveli svoje.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Došao Mujo u rodilište da vidi novorođenog sina. Sav sretan, upita Fatu na koga sliči.
Ona će:
- 'Ajde Mujo, ne znaš čovjeka, šta ću ti ja sada objašnjavat!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The only place you can find Success before Work is in the dictionary.
-------
If you want to shoot, then - shoot; don't talk!
-------
One shot - one hit...
 
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vidan kv
Pavlovic Vidosav
Autoservis Srbo,vlasnik
Kraljevo

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icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!15.02.2009. u 20:00 - pre 162 meseci
Kako se zove muško dete od oca Bosanca i majke Brazilke?.................Retardinjo!.......
....ο τολμών νικα!
 
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pobesnelipostar
zemun

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+37 Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!15.02.2009. u 20:08 - pre 162 meseci
kako se zove vrtic za decu homoseksualaca?


TRTIC
 
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bobiska
Beograd

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+89 Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!15.02.2009. u 20:34 - pre 162 meseci
Plavuša1:-Aj` kaži koliko je 4+4?
Plavuša2:-...mmm... šest!
Plavuša1:-Na qrcu te nosam!
 
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ajdeBre
Niš

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+9 Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!15.02.2009. u 23:53 - pre 162 meseci

Igraju dvojica prijatelja golf. Jedan od njih opali štapom po loptici kad ugleda pogrebnu povorku. Okrene se
prema povorci, skine kapu i mirno stoji. Drugi prijatelj mu kaže:
• Ovo je nešto najdirljivije što sam video.
Ovaj mu odgovara:
• Čuj, ipak smo 35 godina bili u braku...
===================================================================================================

Odmarao se čovek u vikendici pored ribnjaka, i čuje neki smeh... Kad je stigao do ribnjaka, vidi pet devojaka
kako se kupaju gole. Devojke ga primetile pa otplivaju u dublji kraj ribnjaka i viču: "Beži perverznjače, nećemo izaći dok si ti tu!"
"Ma nisam ja došao da vas gledam, nego da nahranim krokodila..."
===================================================================================================

Dođe Mujo na železničku stanicu i vidi novi automat. Na njemu piše: "Ubaci novčić, ovde stavi ruku i mašina ti kaže ko si".
Mujo stvarno proba i ubaci novčić. Automat mu kaže:
- Ti si Mujo i čekaš voz za Sarajevo.
A Mujo hoće da zajebe automat, našminka se i opet ubaci novčić u automat.
- Ti si Mujo i čekaš voz za Sarajevo.
Ode Mujo u WC i vidi kondomat. Kupi kondom i navuče ga na glavu, ode do mašine i opet ubaci novčić.
- Jeb'ga Mujo, dok ti ovde glumiš k****, ode ti voz za Sarajevo.
===================================================================================================

The only place you can find Success before Work is in the dictionary.
-------
If you want to shoot, then - shoot; don't talk!
-------
One shot - one hit...
 
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pexy

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Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!18.02.2009. u 04:13 - pre 162 meseci
Evo malo informatickih fora. Ranije sam nasao na jednom sajtu, pa postujem sve zajedno. Nadam se da nije previse.



A computer geek loved a girl who studies computer science.

He sent a letter, saying:

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN MY COMPUTER Believe me it is true ...

You installed the best in me.

Your picture is always in my background.

You clicked my heart gently.

You drive me crazy when I see you.

Your love reset my life and deleted all the sadness in me.

You restored my kindness after I thought it was corrupted.

I'm always connected to you with more than 56 heart beat per second.

You hacked my brain and registered your name in it.

You are the only one that could navigate my feelings and explore my
emotions at the same time.

I feel lost when I try to call you and you are not responding.

I always feel you close to me when I shut down my eyes, or when I open
my windows waiting for you to pass.

You are the only one that can log into my heart and never log out.

I dream of being your only server as long as I live.

You don't have to search for me, cause we are always linked to each
others.

I see your name everywhere, my front page, my homepage and all my
software.

I scanned my life and found that I'm only infected by you.

You are the virus I'd never remove, and why should I do?

Believe me it is true...

I love you more than my CPU!!!!


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


GirlFriend Version 1.0



I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been
having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of
DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the
GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.

I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in
background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to
say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them
separately, and it works okay.

GirlFriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf
program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing
incompatibility.

I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I
might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of
conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had
experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have
enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require
a Token Ring to run properly. He was right--as soon as I purged my
cache, it uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs
were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me
a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down
for a while.

I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a
SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It
worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was
still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with
GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I
didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any
other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some
way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.

The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some
problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some
obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I
think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather
than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections
with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts.
And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."

A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to
GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version
of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires
within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but
soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes
as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't
load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go
with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.

Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0
sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new
Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be
running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything.
Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0
which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn-off.

I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if
you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0
will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then
Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.

I suppose the moral of the story is: know your system's hardware,
it's software requirements and compatibilities and be real careful
about what software you install and when and how you upgrade.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


If Microsoft Bought McDonalds


Super Size 'upgrades' would be mandatory, if customers wanted to actually
use the food to its fullest potential.

We'd all have to buy new cars to use the McMicrosoft Drive-Thru.

Upon hearing about a new burger about to be launched by Netscape King,
McMicrosoft would 'preannounce' *their* new burger, even though its secret
sauce is still in alpha.

They'd steal recipes from Apple's employee cafeteria!

Once a customer eats McMicrosoft food, trying to remove all traces of it
from the digestive tract proves impossible.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If Restaurants Functioned Like MICROSOFT


Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter.
What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup;
try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl;
what kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration
problem; how was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to
do with the fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you
noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup
of the Day?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check.
I'm running late now.

Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and
the check

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

Waiter leaves.

Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!


The check:
Soup of the Day . ........... . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . $10.00




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Top 25 Explanations by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work


1. Strange...

2. I've never heard about that.

3. It did work yesterday.

4. Well, the program needs some fixing.

5. How is this possible?

6. The machine seems to be broken.

7. Has the operating system been updated?

8. The user has made an error again.

9. There is something wrong in your test data.

10. I have not touched that module!

11. Yes yes, it will be ready in time.

12. You must have the wrong executable.

13. Oh, it's just a feature.

14. I'm almost ready.

15. Of course, I just have to do these small fixes.

16. It will be done in no time at all.

17. It's just some unlucky coincidense.

18. I can't test everything!

19. THIS can't do THAT.

20. Didn't I fix it already?

21. It's already there, but it has not been tested.

22. It works, but it's not been tested.

23. Somebody must have changed my code.

24. There must be a virus in the application software.

25. Even though it does not work, how does it feel?
 
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Fedya
Fedor Hajdu
Solution Architect
Emaratech
Dubai, UAE

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+34 Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!18.02.2009. u 08:21 - pre 162 meseci
Citat:
pexy: Top 25 Explanations by Programmers When Their Programs Don't Work


Dobar, istinit
Mada mislim da fali najcesci: "It works on my machine!"
Every hamster has his day.
 
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omega84

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Profil

icon Re: Jako Dobar Vic !!!18.02.2009. u 17:15 - pre 162 meseci
Nije bas vic ali prilicno urnebesno

Kako popraviti hard disk:
http://www.dodaj.rs/f/34/Iw/3kP3tbv7/popravkaharddiska.doc
 
Odgovor na temu

elitemadzone.org :: MadZone :: Jako Dobar Vic !!!
(TOP topic, by pajaja)
Strane: << < .. 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 ... Dalje > >>

[ Pregleda: 1413267 | Odgovora: 2419 ] > FB > Twit

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